Ten Steps over the Transition Bridge: Part Four

Ten Steps over the Transition Bridge: Supporting shared care arrangements

You can download this handout for use with parents from the Family Separation Clinic.

Nothing on this hand out can be used without reference to Karen Woodall at the Family Separation Clinic the author of this work.

7 comments

  1. Kat · May 14, 2014

    Karen, over the years I have read much about how to help children cope with moving between two homes. There are a couple of key differences in your advice here to what I have generally come across. Steps 2, 3 and 6 about body language, not spending too much time apart from either parent and the importance of looking at each other have never featured in any advice I have seen. I think all of those are very important, in fact over the years my husband and I have discussed them. Equally noticeably there is one piece of advice that I frequently came across that is missing from yours: “Children normally will not want to tell you about their time with the other parent, so do not ask them” Now the latter part of this statement is fine if it refers to the interrogations many children get subjected to by one or both parents. That is handily covered by several of your other points incl, letting children be children and remember they will tell you what you want to hear. However, I have come to believe that the first part of that advice is plainly wrong. In a healthy co-parenting situation they probably would talk happily about their time with the other parent.

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    • karenwoodall · May 14, 2014

      Yes and I would agree with that Kat and if children wan tto talk about their time with the other parent then you should cheerfully let them – with all the usual caveats of course. k

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      • cath · June 26, 2014

        Some parents will not want to hear their child talk about happy times with the other parent!! They are too self centred and the child is unimportant in all of this. They are the difficult parent who is trying to alienate the child from the ‘good’ parent. Not all parents are normal parents who when they break up put their children first, there is the parent who goes all out to destroy the other parents reputation, the rogue parent. Not everyone is normal!!!

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  2. karenwoodall · June 26, 2014

    Who is saying everyone is normal Cath? Not really sure what you are referring to here. We are talking about co-parenting advice given by other agencies, I am commenting on what should happen if a child talks about their time with the other parent. Not really very clear what it is you are saying – we are not talking about alienating parents here.

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    • cath · June 26, 2014

      You are correct Karen this was not relevant within this blog, thank you and your blogs are so helpful.
      What I meant was that not all parents co parent in this loving way, so for some this is not normal ie co parenting without friction fro one parent to destroy co parenting, in our situation the mother refused to sign the court document to share care 50/50 so the judge signed. She has done everything to try and turn a 6 year old child, who she is using only as a weapon, against her father and I was just commenting by saying, that would be ideal if parents co parented to do all they could for the child but to her she does everything she can to destroy the relationship. The father is doing all he can for the child to make the co parenting smooth but the mother is impossible and continuously creating frictions thus affecting the child, It is very sad for the child and the father to witness the psychological destruction with no care for the child from the mother, she is all about ‘herself’
      Thanks for your reply Karen/Team. I appreciate it v much.
      Cath

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      • cath · June 26, 2014

        What I should add is this child is not allowed to speak about happy times with the father without repercussions. The father would be happy if the child tells him about good times whenhe is not with her and he will always do his very best to support the child about her happy times with the mother, the child does not talk about them and he knows why, there are very few good times with her…only fear.

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