Happy Mothers Day Mum

Tomorrow is Mothering Sunday in the UK, a day when we celebrate our mothers and say thank to them for being who they are.  Tomorrow too many of you will be without your children and the thanks that they could give will go unsaid. I know It will be a lonely and difficult day.

And so on behalf of your children I would like to say thank you and tell you that you are loved, you are cared for and deep down inside you are missed beyond measure. Let me tell you a story of some children I have worked with recently to let you know that your children still love you, even though they are prevented from being with you.

These children live within walking distance of their mother’s home but she had not seen them for over three years. These children laughed when she last saw them and told them she loved them, they told her to go away and leave them alone, their lives were totally fine without her. When I met them they told me the most shocking stories of how much she had harmed them and how she had shut them into the wardrobe and would  not let them out for days on end.  They were confident, assured, certain and, at the end of my visit, just a little bit fragile I thought.

These children said they would never see their mother again, that she was cruel and unable to care properly for them and that they would run away if they were made to see her again.  They were surly and angry and refused to do anything other than sit, silently and stare at the floor when we took them to visit their mother, who cried with grief and sadness at seeing her beloved children acting this way.  She told us she did not think she could bear to go on with this and that she would rather walk away and let them be, she was convinced that their anger was real, even though she had done nothing at all to create it.  We made her hold on.

Last month  I went to visit this mum and her children who all came tumbling downstairs to see me, laughing and playing and slightly sheepish when they sat down to talk.  I asked them how they felt now that they lived with their mum, the same mum they told me they hated and were so terribly afraid of. ‘I can’t believe I said those things’ said the eldest, ‘ though I knew at the time I was lying, I just had to say them because if I didn’t I had no idea what would happen to me’….the littlest one ran past me and out of the door ‘uh oh’ he said as he careered into the hall ‘don’t want to think about that stuff anymore’… and while we drank tea and the children ate cupcakes I looked at this mum, whose whole presence seemed lighter and brighter than the first time I saw her.  She smiled back at me and said ‘I know what you’re thinking, you’re thinking you knew they would be like this all along and I didn’t believe you did I?’  That was not what I was thinking at all, I was thinking how tragic that the world that I work in has been so utterly convinced that children are capable of knowing their own minds that they burden tiny shoulders with the ‘decisions’ that are not theirs to make, instead of being able to see how these children are captured in fear and in anger and revenge that is not theirs but that of the parent whose mind is distorted. And the utter abuse that is long drawn out court processes that torture these souls when their lives should be all about playing and sleeping and arguing over CBeebies.

Your children love you and if they could bring you a card and some flowers, a cupcake a candle a plant or some roses they would. That they cannot is cruel and so, on behalf of them all I am sending to you all of their love, til the time they are free to give it to you for themselves. They would do it themselves if they could and if people who should help them could help them the way that they need to be helped.

‘Happy Mothers Day mum’ they would say and ‘we love you’.

And they do. In that place they keep safe, so that when they are free and their hearts are unbound they can give you that love they will polish and practice and give you again.

Happy Mothers Day Mum.

25 comments

  1. Jane Jackson · March 14, 2015

    You are always in your childrens’ hearts.

    Like

  2. yahnalablog · March 14, 2015

    Karen that was uplifting to hear that the alienated Parent got her Children back. I want that to work out for every Child.

    I am a bit sad as I am going to buy flowers to take to the Church yard. My Mother was lucky as see saw my Granddaughter. My parents would be so upset if they seen my Family torn apart, I am glad my Mother had never heard the words of Parental Alienation.

    Keep up the good work Karen, you are the best thing a Child could ask for.

    Like

  3. PapaMissingKids · March 14, 2015

    Happy Mother’s Day to all Mum’s and Grand Mums out there…..

    I am so tempted to share this on Facebook but won’t out of fear my children will hold it against me (unless you give your permission Karen).

    Lovely heartwarming article Karen.

    Like

  4. Heartbroken · March 14, 2015

    Thank you……My fourth child stayed with me while his three older siblings stayed with their father. I should say he went back and forth but he “stayed with me” emotionally. I am certain it was torture for him with all the pressure I am certain he received from the others. When he left, it took awhile before he was alienated. One day he sent me a text that said, ” thank you.” I texted back, ” thank you for what.” He texted, ” thank you for waiting for me.” I am still waiting after two years for him and seven years for my other three.
    I write to him regularly and I tell him ” I am still waiting.”

    It is the hardest thing I have had to do as a mom but it is what I have to do.
    Being a mom is not about what I want.
    It is about what I have to do for my children. Right now I have to wait.
    Thank you Karen, for your encouraging words.
    Thank you. Thank you.

    Like

  5. Oakland Magpie · March 14, 2015

    I really needed to hear this today Karen, thank you. I’m in the US, where Mother’s Day will come in May, and I’m already dreading it. It will be my fourth with total silence from my daughter. I used to look forward so much to this day with my daughter as I grew up in a house with no love, just sickness, it’s just not right.

    Like

  6. daveyone1 · March 14, 2015

    Reblogged this on World4Justice : NOW! Lobby Forum..

    Like

  7. February · March 14, 2015

    Thank you karen tears are flowing … I recieved an early mothers day card today from pearl and my step children which also made me cry as although it was wonderful of my step children to think of me and awesome for my 1st of many from my pearl but so so sad there’s still after all these years 2 names that hold my heart missing from that ever so important card of the year .. But thanks to you I do have faith and my tears are healthy ones xx

    Like

  8. Kat · March 15, 2015

    “how tragic that the world that I work in has been so utterly convinced that children are capable of knowing their own minds that they burden tiny shoulders with the ‘decisions’ that are not theirs to make, instead of being able to see how these children are captured in fear and in anger and revenge that is not theirs but that of the parent whose mind is distorted. And the utter abuse that is long drawn out court processes that torture these souls when their lives should be all about playing and sleeping and arguing over CBeebies.”

    I wish every social worker and CAFCASS officer would come to the same conclusion. I despair over the arguments trotted out in alienation cases: ” we must move forward at a pace that suits the child” “The alienated parent must work to deserve the child respecting him/her as a parent”
    They seem to look in the wrong direction and put all their focus on the apparent lack of attachment to the alienated parent, while describing the crippled attachment to the alienating parent as good. Then they put measures in place to “restart the attachment” to the alienated parent. If the alienating parent pays lip service to these measures, they applaud this parent for supporting the alienated parent, oblivious to the sabotage that is really happening. Funnily enough it doesn’t work and then they are stuck for what to do next. Heaven forbid that they should take a closer look at the relationship between the child and the alienating parent.

    Like

  9. Anne O Regan · March 15, 2015

    I miss my mother so much, death is final and you live through the grieving process. It changes as time moves on. Living bereavements are so difficult to manage, a glimmer of hope, a response to a card, a glimpse in the street, a hint of a smile. No line to draw to move on. My thoughts and prayers are with all alienated parents and grandparents on this day when we celebrate motherhood.

    Like

  10. padrestevie · March 15, 2015

    It both saddens me and angers me that despite mountains of evidence and case law confirming the existence of parental alienation there are still those in denial that cling jealously to a belief that alienation does not exist. The same people want us all to accept their scheme of things where children have the emotional vocabulary and experience needed to mean what they say and say what they mean. Somehow, the process of parental alienation and estrangement is expected to miraculously bless them with these qualities overnight. They wake up one day and suddenly have the wisdom and maturity needed to make the most important life or parental decisions for themselves. The reverse is in fact true. The process halts their emotional development and even reverses it. Instead of expecting more from them it is more appropriate to make a few allowances and expect a lot less.

    Whereas, s.1 (1) of the 1989 Children Act states, “the child’s welfare shall be the court’s paramount consideration”, there are numerous instances where, in practice, the word “views” is substituted for “welfare”.

    Furthermore, Section 1(3) of the Children Act 1989 requires a court, when considering whether to make a public or private law order in respect of a child, to have regard to ‘the ascertainable wishes and feelings of the child concerned (considered in the light of his age and understanding)’. The word “ascertainable” is highly significant yet frequently and conveniently omitted.

    It’s so terribly dishonest when such huge significance is placed upon the “voice of the child” and it is billed as a loving, caring and respectful thing to do: whilst the true legal meanings are cynically distorted and spun by those that are simply opportunist, untrained or would prefer not to know differently.

    There is a fundamental flaw in the way Cafcass work. They parachute in, then, disappear into the sunset. Surely, if practitioners are expected to learn they also need to do some follow up work? How else can they learn if they never see the products of their handiwork?

    Like

  11. Andrew · March 15, 2015

    Karen, even although the story is about a mother it gives me great hope. I just pray every day you will be able to do with my daughter what you have done with my family.

    Like

  12. Andrew · March 15, 2015

    *** that family

    Like

  13. Alienated mum · March 16, 2015

    Will my daughter ever be unbound though. I really struggle to find hope of that.

    Like

  14. pigletsmum · March 16, 2015

    Yesterday was my fourth Mothering Sunday as a separated parent.

    The first, just two months in, was sort of OK, I saw both of my children.

    The second was strained but both of them saw me; my daughter refused to speak to me all day and practically threw the most beautiful canvas (she had painted for me) at me. It said “sometimes I don’t show it and sometimes I do but inside I will always love you”. She lived with me at the time, her older brother now 18 has not lived with me since day one of being apart. (I only realised the alienation had started before we were separate after reading Karen’s blog about the alienated parent (https://karenwoodall.wordpress.com/2014/11/01/i-am-the-alienated-parent/ ).

    Last year I didn’t get a card but I think I received a message from one of them – I chose not to sit in and wait “just in case” and was accused of not bothering.

    Yesterday I waited all day, I saw my mum, my daughter saw my mum (thank goodness). My ex went to Spain for the weekend with friends leaving my 16yr old to fend for herself. “She has food and contacts, she will be fine…” I heard nothing from either of them, all day, not a card, a text, a smiley face, a call, a knock. I smiled at the joy of all the other mums (Why did I even look at facebook?) I knew it would be like that, but I don’t feel envy for those mums but sadness for my two babies, unable to bring themselves to make contact. They must have suffered all day…

    I did miss one call, as I was out briefly when I knew my daughter was at my mum’s, it was a card from the family of a good friend who died several years ago. I have worked really hard to provide her three children with support and to facilitate their grief. The card came signed with love from “your other family” my friend’s parents, siblings and children. It was beautiful, but you will hopefully understand when I say, “not enough to make be feel better”.

    Today I have attended a long meeting with my divorce solicitor, who was interested and worried by my children’s response to this family separation. I printed the three descriptive blogs of parent, child and alienator. Perhaps my barrister can use it in court?

    The sheer emotion and anxiety of the last 24 hours has left me drained, sleepless, nauseated, with heavy palpitations and excessive tears. I’ve even lost my appetite – a first!!

    So thank you for your love and wishes on their behalf Karen. Hopefully next year it will be different, or the next…

    Like

  15. Anonymous · March 16, 2015

    Forgive me, I don’t understand why you are waiting and hoping your children will contact you on mothers day. Why don’t you send them flowers instead. a message might say, Hi hope this finds you well and if you can spare a few hours lets go out and enjoy the Spring sunshine………………………….then you could continue your letter by reminiscing a bit about some good times you had and how much you loved your daughters painting etc….

    Your silence and grief is deafening. I feel sure your children’s hearts will be waiting for their mother to contact them and provide all the glories that only you can.

    You are a special person, a unique person, their mother, believe it and act as one who does. I don’t mean asking your divorce lawyer or best friend or anybody else. Go to a quiet place and talk to yourself. Persuade yourself that you are in control of this situation and you are taking responsibility.

    There are no barriers, no alienators, no mythical beasts standing in your way.
    Yes there is criticism, you wouldn’t expect otherwise but you can choose not to engage with it.

    Hope this helps

    Try to project your love rather than crave love and attention from them. I know mothers day must be a particularly hard time for you……..think of it as a test. Try to convert the negative depressing feelings you are getting from sadness into anger (ie you have been treated unjustly) therefore somebody needs to pay…..then use the anger venting your aggression on that post you hit with the car coming down the driveway (take a hammer to it), go into the countryside and blaspheme into open spaces at the top of your voice. When your anger has all but settled take a pen and paper and list ten things you are going to do to improve your situation. Number one could be go to school and enquire as an interested parent about her children. Two; wave at my daughter at a chance meeting across the road. Buy her tickets to her favourite activity/game. Communicate. Take risks.

    Try to stay mentally healthy and pro active.

    Kind regards

    Like

    • pigletsmum · March 18, 2015

      Thank you for taking your time to reply to my post.
      To add substance and possible logic to it…

      I send a text (actually via another app that allows me to see if it has been read) at least once a week to my son at uni. His response is variable based on work commitments but more likely on what he has heard from my daughter that week. Superficial conversation works ok; when I add some meaning ie did you receive your christmas cheque it hasn’t been cashed? I get silence. I send to my daughter as often as I feel I can. I have had no reply to anything I have sent since November, having had a relatively normal few months.

      Here is the first reply since then: (Her father was away from saturday morning)

      14th March
      Me to her:
      I’m sure you won’t need me but I’m around all weekend if you do. ❤ ❤ xxx Love you lots.
      16th March
      Me to her
      "Grown Up Downs" an amazing programme about actors with downs. You would sit and smile. Xxxx
      Her to me
      Leave me alone
      me to her
      That makes me very sad
      Her to me
      Leave me alone
      Me to her
      I have to contact you periodicallyso that you remember how much I love you. It doesn't change. X
      Her to me
      Leave me alone
      Me to her
      Could we not talk about it? It's 3 months now.
      Her to me
      Leave me alone
      Me to her
      (a picture of a painting she made me that told me she loved me)
      Her to me
      Leave me alone!!!!!!
      Me to her
      For now…X
      Her to me
      Leave me alone

      I have been told by my ex that she will not have me in school meeting to discuss her progress. School are failing to keep me informed despite several formal letters including educational documents.

      I'm not angry I'm sad and I'm grieving. I want contact and I try but as they are teenagers it is their choice. (Which is horribly mashed in with their father's opinions)

      Thats why I wait. My Gp also said it would be almost scary for a teenager to see the amount of distress I exhibit particularly when their actions are the cause. I have no intention of making them feel any worse than they must already.

      Like

    • Frankie · March 7, 2016

      I read Karen’s blog and cried….. it is very similar to my own story as a mother who’s son has been alienated for 3 years!! I felt I had to reply to your comment…

      As I sent my daughter up to her father’s for a few hours contact once a week, I cried for the loss of my son, and the pain my daughter feels cause “daddy doesn’t want me really”… He only needed one child to break my heart, but he’s destroying two!!Sometimes it doesn’t matter how much you reach out, the alienating parent will always have the upper hand!

      I still text and send cards and money to my son but I never receive any reply….

      Some day I will, of this I have no doubt but at what cost to the minds of two innocent children??

      Like

  16. Anonymous · March 16, 2015

    My mothering Sunday.

    I am a Dad who considers he has been ostracised by his former partner. I am lucky to have up to two days per week with my son, who is at secondary school. I only live around the corner from my former partner.

    I was at work till 2.30 pm on Sunday. Sometime in the morning whilst at work I texted my son to ask if he had given his Mum a card. He had forgotten so I offered to take him into town after work. We found a shop that sold flowers and I was able to tell my son from memory that his Mum didn’t particularly like chrysanthemums so he was able to choose an alternative that she might like. Later that day I asked him if mum liked the flowers, to which he responded favourably.

    This act was good because it helped my son understand that I could think favourably and respectfully about his mother. It may even have got me brownie points with his mother though I know she would not have accepted flowers directly from me. (In years gone by my former partner had torn up a birthday card posted to her from me and sent it back to me in the child’s lunchbox!)

    So, mother’s day was good; I had “stroked” (i.e. what the psychiatrist, Berne described as a basic unit of human recognition) my son and possibly done a similar act to my former partner.

    Of course it is doubtful that my former partner will consequently warm to me; there has been too much water under the bridge so to speak. Nevertheless Dandlebear Bridge has received an extra spar that will stand it in good stead and my son can move more easily and comfortably between two different but loving parents.

    Oh yes, and I feel pretty good about it myself……..so I shall give myself a “stroke”.

    Kind regards

    Refs: Berne…….Steiner, emotional literacy

    Like

  17. Anonymous · March 18, 2015

    Hi Pigletsmum

    I have made the following notes based on what you have told me
    Firstly I am sorry to hear you are facing such outright rejection from your children.

    On the positive side:

    1 You have your daughters phone number
    2 She does respond to you
    3 You know where your children are.

    Actions:

    Using a third party.
    Is there a friend of your daughter, perhaps in the same school whom you could have a reasonable conversation with?
    Do you have adult friends or relatives to act as intermediaries who you might liaise with?

    The school.

    I believe you have a legal right to your child’s school report and more. thecustodyminefield.com has a template to send to the Head of school asking for information. You can always write to the local authority to support your request for information about your daughter’s academic progress. Request an interview with the Head of school where you can explain your situation without being too judgmental………..it is important to stay on good terms with the school. Offer your assistance in an upbeat and positive manner. If you don’t go to school and make a good impression they will be left to judge you in the same way that your daughter and former partner do.

    Arranging to meet.

    When making appointments to see your daughter you could try to be more specific. Rather than, “I will be available this weekend” say……….. “I am going to be in the cafe at the corner of station road at 3.00 pm on Saturday, come and join me; I have the latest…………..which should be useful in your project. Bring your friend A………. with you”.

    Your style of text messaging.

    Your text messaging seems almost apologetic, as if you might have done something wrong. This behaviour may be symptomatic of your relationship with your former partner. It’s almost as if you are treading on eggshells fearful of saying something that might cause upset.

    The truth is you are a very important person and somehow you have to believe it and act it. You owe nobody an explanation. Instead of, “I’m sure you won’t need me but I’m around all weekend if you do.” You could say, “love to see you, I’ll be at Joe’s on Saturday, call me at 2pm I want to show you the new…………..looking forward to hearing your opinion, love Mum”

    Your last comments where your Ex tells you that your daughter does not want to see you at school.

    I hope you treat this statement with the disdain it deserves. A predictable reaction might be for you to get angry; your relationship with your daughter is no business of your Ex. Most importantly in your own mind you must not give your Ex’s opinion any credibility, you know his opinion here is nonsense.

    The father’s opinions are paramount in the children’s minds because you are being submissive to your Ex’s opinions. I am not suggesting you should challenge them directly, but I do feel you have to find a way of projecting your own opinions in a more assured and positive way.

    You’re sad but not angry. I think it might be good to get angry. There is a lot for you to be angry about. I am angry about your predicament and I am not even involved.

    In my own case I worked through sadness and anger and used them as motivators for positive action. I would have flashes of ideas that only appeared after one of my sad/angry moments. I had the computer in front of me and I would Google short sentences and quotations and these would lead me toward some eye opening and helpful work. Eventually these formed the tools that helped me negotiate my relationships with more confidence. (I also had a lot of help from a Counsellor).

    At the end you say something about waiting…….waiting for what? You may be stressed, that’s understandable but what you need to do is get control over your emotions start to believe that your relationship with your children has credibility. Best book to read……”Your erroneous zones” by Richard Dyer. Also look up; “emotional intelligence” there is plenty of literature about this concept.

    Hope some of this may prove useful.

    Believe me I know it’s a hard sometimes desperate road, but through working on behavioural skills it does get better. It’s a lot more productive changing yourself than waiting for your Ex or children to change.

    Kind regards

    Like

  18. Anonymous · March 19, 2015

    Hi Pigletsmum

    A couple more thoughts that occurred to me last night.

    Text messaging with empathy.

    Yesterday I was thinking about my daughter and how she might be getting on at Uni. Having been there myself I know those can be difficult and frustrating times. Just after Xmas she had been talking about the heavy work load and how she was finding it difficult to concentrate.
    I had the rabbit out in the garden on account of the nice Spring sunshine. (The rabbit is hers but I look after him now because she couldn’t take him to Uni). I took a photo of the rabbit munching on some tasty fresh grass and sent it to my daughter along with a caption that implied her rabbit was enquiring as to her welfare. Ten minutes later I got a rather nice picture back of the skyline over high-rise Birmingham with a message that reads “Aw thanks”. This is a good and effective, loving way of communicating with someone you are unable to be with, for whatever reason.

    I have taken the following quote from your recent text message exchange with your daughter.

    “Me to her
    I have to contact you periodically so that you remember how much I love you. It doesn’t change. X”

    I have tried to imagine what this might sound like to your daughter. She may interpret this as a mother’s desperate cry for help.
    This is unlikely to enlighten your daughter, but is more likely to burden her with her mother’s worries. What your daughter would benefit from is some lighthearted exchange. You know your daughter better than anyone.

    e.g. If your daughter is particularly fond of shoes you could send her a picture of some she might like, and then write size 5 at the bottom, what do you think? Or, humour is good for the soul, perhaps a picture of a shoe shop being looted and a caption saying, “don’t you wish you were here”

    I think this is a better way of expressing your love for your daughter.

    Anger

    People (or at least I prior to having my eyes opened) thought of anger as something negative; something that usually led to verbal and physical violence. However, this not so. If you can understand and control anger it can be a good and positive bedfellow. If you don’t have anger you can generate something similar through heightened physical activity which can then be turned to your benefit.

    Anger is a great motivator. It enhances your sense of identity. It is both an inhibitor and an enabler. The adrenalin rush that accompanies it can kick start the mind and body into actively pursuing goals. In time you can distinguish different types of anger.

    After being upset and angry I used to pick up a pen and start writing; years ago I had a poem published about my son leaving the house going back to Mum’s at the end of his visit. A desperate time that I needed to record.

    What I am suggesting is that you might try to get some of your emotions down on paper. It may have a positive cleansing effect and relieve you of some sadness.

    Kind regards

    Like

    • pigletsmum · March 24, 2015

      Thank you again.
      I have ordered the book. I have recontacted and made an appointment with my psychologist (to allow me to reduce the level of emotion and pain slightly so I can be more positive and objective, utilising hypnosis …). I feel more in control today.

      My son might meet me, it happens on occassion, usually at short notice, and goes well. My daughter will not. The last time I was in the same room and went to touch her arm as I passed her she pulled away. It was her who prevented my being included in the school meetings, obviously he suported it and the teacher didn’t know what to think. But I did explain to her father I would not stop attending in order to receive the information first hand for myself. I completely appreciate I sound utterly pathetic, not something you would expect from an ex senior nurse and now running my own business.

      I found this blog by way of the wonderful and amazing world wide web search and do exactly what you suggested, putting in random statements or words to see what comes up. Then acting upon it. I have also started to write stuff down too. Under my username. I reckoned after reading the “write me a river” post it was a way to say it now and then keep it for the journey I’m on. I also listen extremely carefully to musical lyrics and have started noting them too. I thought about sending the lyrics to her but it sounds like thats too sad…

      Presently anger, joy, sadness, pain, and fear all manifest themselves as tears which is inconvenient to say the least! That is what the therapy is for. I am not angry with my children, but I’m BEYOND FURIOUS with my ex! This is the impetus that keeps my strength up after every knock back. I can blame him because I KNOW that I have never been anything but the children’s loving mother and I still am. I’m furious because I don’t want her struggling with the same mental anguish that I am, yet I believe she more than likely is. I’m cross because this horrible nightmare of a situation is not recognised more widely or given the status it demands within the everyday world. That loving parents are cast out from the most important relationships in their world due to someone elses inabilities.

      However, I wouldn’t be able to voice those opinions and expect support in any other environment, so thank you again and again.

      (I have signed up for “living losses” on 25th April 🙂 )

      Like

  19. Anonymous · March 26, 2015

    Hi Pigletsmum

    Thanks for listening to me. I was beginning to feel that I had overstepped the mark, hurting your feelings in the most crass and careless manner. However I am beginning to understand now what a sensitive, understanding, perceptive and kind person you are.

    I agree this Blog is a good place to keep up to date with all things concerning alienation.

    1. It may be worth looking at the Kubler-Ross grief cycle. Once you have reconciled your feelings for your alienator you may find it easier to concentrate on your children without the encumbrance of emotions that immobilise you.

    http://changingminds.org/disciplines/change_management/kubler_ross/kubler_ross.htm

    2. When I spoke of “Emotional Intelligence”, (or “Emotional Literacy” as referred to by Steiner) I had in mind the way we relate to one another especially parent to child. It is important to try and grasp the impact divorce has on our children and find ways to alleviate the pressures and re-instate normal parent/child behaviours.

    3. Something which you could also try is asking your best friend to take on the role of your daughter and then try out your intended messages to your daughter on your friend. Ask your friend how she feels when you use different strategies.
    e.g…………I really miss you………..daffodils always remind me of Spring…………is this the band you like? ……..Fish fingers for lunch again?…………..these are the concert tickets……..just love that cheeky smile.

    Since the beginning of time people have been primarily interested in themselves. You can gain favour by pandering to their ego, listening and being attentive to their needs.

    I hope you benefit from the “living losses” course it sounds appropriate. I tend to think of the alienation experience more aptly as “living dormancy”. Death is permanent loss; alienation is something we can make a full recovery from.

    Kind regards

    Like

  20. PapaMissingKids · June 18, 2015

    It’s Father’s day this Sunday.

    Few years ago when the children became alienated on the first fathers day I actually sent them gift vouchers! Which I don’t think they used. Then I left it on fathers day.

    This year, I’m thinking of writing to them like I do every one or two weeks which I’ve recently started to do (very hard, but this actually makes me feel good too).

    I wonder if I should send them a gift again. They never respond, and even on my birthday they don’t write to me. But this year I’m changing and I wonder if sending them a gift will make them feel good.

    Any thoughts, Karen, or anyone else?

    Like

  21. pigletsmum · June 18, 2015

    I send cheques if I send anything because if they do cash them (which they don’t) I will at least know.
    I think if it makes you feel better then you should do it. I feel for you as I know how hard it was for me this year.
    Take care of you…

    Like

  22. The Devil's Advocate · September 7, 2015

    Oh Dear oh Dear….it is like a cyclic mantra…Sad beyond belief but with respect blah de blah.

    Unless the alienated and rightly aggrieved parent does only bleat on then this crime will continue. Is this what society wants? NO. I have listened as a person and Samaritan and the response to my clients feelings and wishes (now in reverse) are always the same. Balance in the family for the children and RESPONSIBLE PARITY of co-operative parenting not the redirected aggressive feminist Equal Parenting of the CFA (Private Law) of 2014. OMG of course this Act failed. There was not mention of responsibility. Repeal the CA 89 and incorporate factual evidence and remove forever the Wishes and Feeling, “Mumbo Jumbo”…..only a sycophantic psychopaths could believe in this Lord of the Flies analogy…

    Lets all grow up and act, stop bleating. Storm the Bastille for our children’s sake!

    Like

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